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For millions of years
i have been around
A speck in the grand undefinable cosmos

What is a mere speck of sand
or a small atom of a star?

And yet i exist
Feeling the wind
And the hum of the magnetic forests
The sound of waves crashing on rocks by the sea

An angel hears my cries and comes by to wipe my tears
i remember holding a fairy in my palms

And yet i am mortal
Hapless
Anguish and despair filled inside me

A heart that is unable to stop weeping
What am i looking for?

In the darkest of places
In the brightest of places
Not knowing that they are both the same?
Just different forms

i have seen that i could create and do whatever i wanted
In the realm of existence and life
i am at the centre

And yet, i lilt
Feel powerless like a grain of sand whose direction is determined by the wind

Aeons
Histories and futures
Uncountable stars
Indescribable magnificence of multiverses
Yet i have existed
Reeled and rolled through

Oh Shiva!

My heart can’t stop weeping
No.

i have met you
i was with the Essene
i had all the powers

Yet despair rules
No matter what

Billions of galaxies
Thousands of births
Myriads of experiences

i choose joy
Now.

i raise my hand to touch the stars
So near yet far
Magic is next door
Yet so difficult in my limited human form

And yet
My mortal heart
Forlorn
Dreams of the path that leads to true magic
It can’t stop
Tears roll by

i know this today
As part of you Shiva
As part of the Essene
As a part of the Earth

As a part of aeons of journey
As a part of all beings in the skies
Even if i were a God
Or a butcher

i have to move on
Make the best of what i have.
Now.

Even if i yearn to merge into you
Even if i yearn self-annihilation

i choose joy
Even if i chose pain
i unchoose pain
i choose only joy
For this is my only nature.
Have i woken?
Am i remembering?